Most women I know struggle with worry. We worry about how we look, how our kids will turn out and how to keep them safe. We worry about the future and how we might be screwing our kids up but we don’t know for sure how yet.
I see women worry about gaining weight, worry about losing weight, and worry about how an outfit makes them look. At work we worry about being good enough, smart enough, strong enough, and how we are being perceived by our boss and coworkers.
We worry about our partners… Are they happy? Do they want to cheat? Are they cheating? What will happen when the kids are grown and gone? Worry, worry, worry.
It’s exhausting isn’t it? Most of the time when I challenge clients to stop worrying, they panic. What if something happens? The difficulty boils down to a lack of trust in ourselves, in God, in other people, in whoever.
It makes sense. We don’t develop worrying habits for no reason. Most of us have been really hurt before, and we don’t want to get caught off guard again. We take our responsibility as parents seriously and know that we only get one shot at raising our kids. We want to do the best we can. We have also had worry modeled for us by generations before, so we think we are being lazy or “not doing it right” if we relax and don’t worry.
Think about all the emotional energy you could be spending in more productive ways if you released the need to worry and learned to trust yourself. Learning to trust in your ability to navigate the future, no matter what, is not only an incredible gift you can give yourself. It’s also a gift you can give to future generations too.
What if we raised our kids to trust their instincts and trust their ability to handle the curve balls life throws their way? That is a legacy worth celebrating is it not? Women seem to have some sort of identity wrapped up in staying stressed and worried all the time. It’s like they feel they will be judged if they choose to let it go and just be present in the moment and happy with life. It seems too simple doesn’t it?
The truth is, our worry doesn’t actually prevent a particular event or thing from happening. In fact, according to the law of attraction, what we focus on is what we create. So, it’s possible that all that worry ends up attracting the very things we are trying to avoid. Our thoughts are powerful and have a tremendous amount of energy behind them. My challenge to us is to begin to let go of worry and embrace trust.
Want to get started with the idea? One way is to write at the top of a journal page, “I choose to let go of worry and trust myself to handle anything that happens in the future”. Or repeat this back to yourself.
What feelings come up for you? Do you feel anxious? Frustrated? Angry? Scared? If you do, then you are completely normal! If it were easy to not worry, everyone would give it up. No one likes to be stressed with worry all the time.
Do you want to make a change? Here’s three steps you can follow to give up worry for good:
1. Center yourself.
Identify where in your body you experience worry the most. Chest? Stomach? Face? Shoulders? Take a few deep breaths and identify where you experience the sensation. Close your eyes and picture a warm ball of light. Take big, deep breaths and allow the ball of light to come to you in the area you feel the worry. Allow the light to infuse that area and release the tension. Allow the light to absorb it for you. Take several deep breaths and allow the light to continue to grow from that place and expand through your whole body. Sometimes it helps me to listen to meditative music while doing this exercise. It also helps me to say out loud, “I allow the light to consume my worry. I release my worry to the light”.
2. Intentionally focus on gratitude and peace.
Make a list of things you are grateful for and a list of things that bring you peace. Put the lists in a place where you can see them often, like a notes page on your phone. Whenever you notice or feel worry, pull out your lists and read them. Add something to them. DO one of the things that brings you peace. Maybe it’s lighting a candle, going on a walk with a co-worker, calling a friend, or making yourself some hot tea. Have a list ready to go of things you can do to intentionally bring peace. While you are doing that activity, focus on gratitude. This retrains your neural pathways and interrupts the pattern of looking for negative outcomes. What we look for we create, so focusing on gratitude and peace brings more gratitude and peace into your life. Pretty soon you will create new neural pathways which make looking for gratitude and peace second nature.
3. Grieve and heal the past.
This one is a little more difficult and may take working with a therapist or life coach. When we have unresolved trauma from the past, we will always look to self protect and will be distracted by the trapped emotion of the unresolved pain. We can do the first two exercises above, which will definitely move the needle forward and bring relief, but for total relief we have to do the healing work of letting the past go. Begin by writing a letter to your past self saying you are ready now. You are willing to do the healing work of grieving the past so you can be free in the future. Your little girl deserves to be free and happy! Once you write the letter, make the decision to find the support you need to heal. This could be with a therapist, life coach, digital course, support group, or any other resource you feel connected with. There are so many options available. If you’re not sure where to start, you can try joining my free Self Care group.
It may take several days of repeating these steps to feel their effectiveness. You are retraining your brain and nervous system which takes some time. Self Care is us choosing to no longer neglect our needs. It’s also us not waiting for someone else to come rescue us from the frustrations of life. We take responsibility for ourselves, and in doing so, we teach the next generation to do the same.
Joy and abundance come with my Freedom Formula. Reckon with the past, Reactivate who you are, and Reinvent your life. Letting go of worry frees up your emotional energy to fully immerse yourself in the Freedom Formula process. So try it today!