I’ve been doing a lot of reading and researching lately to better understand the difference between me, my ego, my mind and my being, the true essence of who I am. 

I honestly believe that most people have no idea what the difference is. I have been working with people on a very deep and personal level since 2009 and I have come across very few who understand. It actually isn’t even a matter of understanding, because most of us don’t even know that we don’t know. 

There are many reasons why this distinction is so important. One big one is that we think indulging in self is egotistical, arrogant, and against our core values. Depending on which self you are talking about… you could be right! 

My work is often dismissed by conservative women because they think that when I say love yourself, take care of yourself, put yourself first, lead yourself, etc that I am talking about the self of the mind. The ego. 

Our minds, our egos, are attached to what is tangible. This earth. Our mind likes to stay on guard, look for patterns, remind us of the past, predict what it thinks the future will bring and generally keep us worked up over something. Our minds like to be right, like to be comforted, and also like to torture us to be sure we stay vigilant. When we are overly attached to our minds we stay vigilant, over-think, worry, and stress. We are anxious about what might happen and feel despair over things that already have. When we attach to our minds we like to keep things super predictable and safe. We play small because when we do, our minds feel in control. 

So, if you are overly attached to your mind and you are invested in being sure your mind stays in control and comfortable, then hearing things like take time out for self care, be your own woman, or express yourself, can make you angry or uncomfortable. Engaging in these activities can feel uncomfortable because they do require you to be selfish. You see, in our mind, the ego, there is always a system of hierarchy. There are always winners and losers. We are always attached to fear. So, taking care of yourself from our minds’ perspective does mean forgoing other people’s needs for the sake of our own. I can definitely see how this feels uncomfortable and why one would be unwilling to do it. 

On the reverse. If you are uncomfortable and unwilling to put yourself first from the perspective of the egoic mind, then the only other option is to put yourself last. To cause yourself to suffer for the sake of others. To be frustrated and disappointed but assuming this is the only way. You feel trapped. I was trapped here for a long time because I refused to be what I thought was selfish, and I didn’t understand how to separate my mind from my being. I thought they were one and the same. 

Separate from our mind we have a self in the body. Our soul or spirit, this is the true essence of who we are. This is the self connected to our life force. It is our guiding light, and the source of all that is alive. Our self in our bodies is energetic, active, and connected to the highest good for all. There is no hierarchy. We are all equally connected to the source within and we are all equally a part of the source within. Sometimes I think of it as invisible fiber optic wires threading through every alive being on the planet. All one, all connected. It’s incredible, powerful, and connecting. When I am centered with my being I feel love, joy, peace, connection, belonging, hope, and incredibly inspired to carry out my mission on this planet. My mission is to help others connect to their life source, their being-ness and come alive. 

Our minds don’t want to give up the power it perceives it has and would prefer that we stay connected to all the ways in which we are not enough. My mind likes to remind me constantly how I have screwed up, how I can get hurt, how I need to only work in environments where I can predict what will happen next, etc. Our minds keep us playing small. They also do a very good job of convincing us why that is a really good and safe option. Our minds torture us because they keep telling us all the ways we need to be and play safe, but then also tell us how weak we are for playing safe. They can be a real bitch sometimes. 

My point in saying all this is to begin the conversation on how to identify with your being-ness rather than your mind. It can be tricky at first, especially for those of us who have only known how to identify with our minds. I have been spending a lot of time meditating lately. This is an ideal opportunity to sit in awareness of my being-ness and the source within me. I have no agenda, no requests, questions, demands, or goals, other than to just be present in right now with myself. The more I practice meditating in still quiet spaces, the more I can attune my awareness of the self within my body when I carry out day to day tasks. 

I am learning how to hear the thoughts of my mind without attaching to them. I am learning how to hear the worry, the anxiety, the future predictions and just see them without attaching to them or experiencing them. It is so powerful. Our minds attach to fear and our being-ness attaches to love. Which do you prefer? I think in theory we would all say love, of course. Who would want fear over love? However, attaching to love is sometimes easier said than done. To let go of fear you have to let go of control. To let go of fear you have to let go of everything from the past. To let go of fear you have to let go of curating the future you think you want and need. Initially it’s hard to do, or at least it was for me. 

What makes it easier is realizing that every time I try to manipulate an outcome I am disappointed. Every time I am with my kids and I am distracted by other things going on in my brain I am disappointed, because I missed actually being with them. I share them with their father so my time with them is really precious and important to me. When we are attached to love we are fully present in the moment right now. We are fully alive and awake to what is happening now and nothing else matters. Not the past or the future. Those are realities that are only contained within the mind. They don’t matter. 

Some of us have emotions from the past that are unprocessed and stored within our bodies. We can process these emotions and we should, so we can clear the channel of our being-ness and awareness of the source within. Think of it like a dirty fish tank. Once the water is cleared and cleaned then you can access and clearly see and experience all that is within. The stored emotions are like the dirty water and it just keeps getting dirtier until we clean and clear it out. Cleaning out your emotions doesn’t necessarily mean going through all of the memories that created them though. It was so powerful when I realized I didn’t have to go back through all the things in my mind in order to clear out the emotions in my body. Many therapists don’t realize this because we are trained in school to focus on the mind. Most professionals are trained in the mind only. That’s why therapy is often ineffective. We can’t heal our bodies with our minds. 

I am continuing to grow and research. I continue to detach from my egoic mind and stay online for more minutes each day with my being-ness inside my body. My being who is in partnership with the source of all that is alive can lead me to far greater outcomes than anything my mind can make up. 

You’ve heard the term, “The desires of your heart”? What are the desires of your heart? What are the desires of your being-ness? Those desires are the true you. They are clues to your mission and purpose here on earth. They aren’t selfish, they are needed in order for us to raise the vibration of the collective. Maybe you are here to bring joy by making things look beautiful. Maybe you are here to bring joy by designing shoes or new recipes. We all have desires and when we are acting on those desires it is like pumping energy into the fiber optic cables connected to us all. We all rise. 

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Taking care of your being-ness ensures you are pumping the energy we all need, and you are receiving the energy you need to rise.