Every day you compromise on not getting your needs met for the sake of someone else is another day you will have to forgive yourself for doing so.
It seems like every culture I have encountered around the world has a similar role for women to play. We are expected to be nurturing, loving and caring. For the most part, we really want to be these things. It is part of the feminine energy many women possess and long to express. With time, responsibility and society’s expectations, that natural instinct to be loving and caring turns into an obligation and expectation. I have met women from every culture who put their heads down, stay quiet, work hard, and give. They are always incredibly good at this. Everyone’s needs are met and each event for the week is planned for. It really is amazing what women can accomplish. Deadlines are hit at work, food is on the table and every after-school activity is organized. We really are superwomen, aren’t we?
So why don’t we feel so super most of the time? I find that women feel heavy, lonely, taken advantage of, and completely drained of joy. Empty. We work so hard not to feel this way. We feel guilty beyond words because our lives represent everything we wanted growing up. We know so many people have it so much worse and we deny ourselves the luxury of indulging the feelings of resentment or guilt that might be creeping in. I call them the dark corners of the mind. When life really starts spinning, the dark corners get bigger. The thoughts and feelings in those corners are scary and most of us put our heads down and get even busier to try and push those corners back.
The dark corners usually have us fantasizing about how we can escape our life without anyone getting hurt. We just want it all to stop for a while. Isn’t it ok to move to a remote island where no one can find me for a little while? That’s the tricky thing. Many of us see the situation in either black or white. Either we are single, sexy and free, or married, mothering and burdened. We don’t see a way to have both—that there is a way to feel whole, free, loved, wanted, sexy, and adventurous all while mothering, wifing and killing it at work.
The shift feels overwhelming; it doesn’t feel possible. The truth is, there will always be seasons of life that are heavier than others, but we always have the right to ourselves. This isn’t just a right, it is a gift. Being fully connected to ourselves as women is not only the best gift we can give ourselves, it is the best gift we can give to those who love us.
Ditching society’s expectations and creating your own rules for how you will love yourself first and then wildly love your family is the only way to bring the full meaning of life to those you love. Imagine a world where women wake up feeling abundant, sexy, free, and ready to wildly love themselves and everyone in their orbit—alive and full rather than empty and lonely.
Only the most courageous are even willing to consider this possibility. It will take some hard work to shift your mindset and encourage those around you to shift theirs, but the work is no harder than doing all the things while feeling empty and alone. At least this work is fueled with hope rather than obligation.
It usually takes a few sessions with women before they will even admit the thoughts in the dark corners of their minds. I am here to change that. I am here to normalize the dark corners and provide a path to a different way of seeing ourselves, our roles and how we interact with both. Women have so much to offer, and there is no reason we can’t offer from a place of love and abundance. It’s time to flip the script. Join me!