How many times have you second guessed yourself because you assume that you must be crazy? How many times have you silenced your voice because you were afraid that someone would see that you don’t know what you are talking about, you just think that you do? I can definitely think of a few times in my life, but what bothers me more is the recent realization that the sense of not wanting to be crazy is something that most women live with all day, every day. We stay quiet and small. We let everyone else decide where to go for dinner, what dessert to order, what movie or tv show to watch. You see, women are highly intuitive by nature. It is an incredible gift actually. It is part of the powerfully nurturing, divine, feminine. We freely use this gift when raising our children. We just seem to know what our children need when they need it. We are never called crazy when we use this gift as mothers. It is seen as the most powerful and wonderful connection and it is celebrated in almost every culture.
Why then is this same gift mocked, ridiculed and questioned when we attempt to use this gift in any other setting? We intuitively know that something is wrong in our marriage so we ask our spouse. What do they typically say? You’re crazy, there is nothing wrong. At work we have an intuitive idea or feeling about a project, co-worker, anything really, and what is the typical response? You’re crazy. You don’t get it, you don’t understand.
I spent most of my life feeling crazy. Being deeply connected with my intuitive senses, I just knew things without being able to explain how I knew them. However, for most of my life I also believed ‘I’m crazy.’ ‘I must be wrong.’ This way of thinking leads to a deep sense of shame and confusion. We wonder if we are bad people because we followed our intuition that something was wrong but then we were quickly shut down for acting on that lead. We learn not to trust ourselves and really have no choice but to disconnect our head and our hearts. Ladies, so many of us feel numb and lonely inside because we have unplugged our heads and our hearts. We had to for emotional survival. But staying disconnected from our intuitive hearts means that we are disconnected from meaning, connection and abundance. We stay in the scarcity of survival. We have to keep ourselves small and quiet so we never feel crazy again.
What is sad to me is that this reality also made me feel crazy. I had a beautiful life. I had a great job, amazing kids, a husband, a house; I could check off all the boxes on the American dream wishlist and yet I was miserable. What kind of bad person is miserable when she has everything that everyone said would make her happy? Only a crazy person would be miserable, right?
What I learned the hard way is that the life I was living was a mirage. Of course I have always loved my kids and felt connected to them. I have always loved and felt connected to aspects of my life but never my life as a whole. This is because I had unplugged my head from my heart. I had turned off my intuitive senses in every area except motherhood to make everyone else around me comfortable. I overworked to ensure that everyone else had their needs met and were comfortable. This is what a pleaser does. My intuitive senses were hijacked. I allowed them to be hijacked for the sake of acceptance and belonging. I used the skill not to express my heart with others, but to ensure that others felt comfortable.
You are not crazy, ladies. Your intuitive senses are there inside you telling you who is safe; who is honorable and truthful. Your senses are telling you what you are capable of and how you can love and support. I know I am not the only one with hijacked intuitive senses. I am not the only one who uses the senses to meet everyone else’s needs in order to safely hide my own needs and heart so I don’t feel crazy. However, it is possible to connect with people in the world who love your intuitive senses and want to see your beautiful heart. When we keep our hearts hidden we play the pattern on repeat. We believe that people are unsafe and we have to hide. The reality is however, that when we hide ourselves, we can only connect to people who don’t want to truly see us. This reinforces the pattern and beliefs.
It takes so much courage to come out of hiding and be vulnerable enough to trust that life in joy and abundance means we are living with our hearts wide open. In this space we meet other courageous men and women doing the same. You have to emerge from hiding before you can find them. Be courageous, ladies! There is a big, beautiful world all around you. There are people all around you who want to see you, connect with you and will lean into all your intuitive senses.